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Twelfth grade, senior year in high school, is sort of the missing link between childhood and adulthood. Most kids at this stage in school are either 17 or 18 and they are who they are going to be. Right or wrong, good or bad, smart or not, the dye has been cast and the young person you’re looking at across your kitchen breakfast table is pretty much the adult you’re going to know in years to come. Sure there will be maturity, life changes, family, career, children, and a lot of mellowing out with life’s lessons. But this young person is for all intents and purposes, an adult; but secretly, he still wants and needs your guidance.
Helping a child through the twelfth grade is a balancing act, at best. Often by the beginning of the twelfth grade year, your child already knows, or has a pretty good idea about what he wants to do after high school. It might be as focused as having a chosen major at a chosen college or university; or it may be only knowing that he wants to go to college, but hasn’t yet decided on one. Perhaps your young person knows he isn’t cut out for college and already has a job lined up or has talked to a military recruiter; or maybe your child doesn’t think past tomorrow, and his idea of planning for the future is trying to decide which video game he wants for his birthday.
It takes all kinds to make our world spin, and at this point, we can’t do a whole lot to change our children. The best thing parents can do is to support their child and encourage him in his dreams and goals. If he has no dreams or goals, talk to him often and help him try and figure out what they are.
Obviously parents will want to encourage their children in their choices for college, but be careful. Kids at this age do not want to be pushed into a situation where their parents can live vicariously through them. They should be excited about the college they want to attend, not pushed into something that they’ll only hate later.
If your child is not college material, and not every senior in high school is, let him know how important he is to you, regardless of his college or career choice. Most seniors are told by teachers, guidance counselors and the media that college isn’t just an option, but that it’s the only option for anyone who wants a decent career in life. This simply is not true. Encourage your child to pursue areas in which he is gifted or has interest.
Twelfth graders often will not ask for advice or guidance from their parents, but they will accept it if we offer it. The best way to give advice and guidance is not through lectures or one-sided conversations, but by back and forth chats that happen randomly. Randomness, by its very nature, can not be planned, so parents must make every effort to spend time with their twelfth grader; take walks, plan dinners alone, go on long drives, go shopping, test drive a car, go for ice-cream, or anything else that the two of you would enjoy. Get alone with your child and the talks will happen naturally.
Most importantly, enjoy your child. This may be the last year he is living in your home. Soon you will have to compete for his time with a spouse, children, and so many other natural parts of life. Soak up all you can and love him with all your heart.
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